Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
