This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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