i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
