Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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