He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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