just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
