yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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