Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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