Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
