In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
