Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
