I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
