We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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