I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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