So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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