I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
