also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
