I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
