Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
