just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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