it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
