help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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