TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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