wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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