quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
