we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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