you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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