U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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