It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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