I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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