He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
