dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
