Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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