I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
