i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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