I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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