please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
