I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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