I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
