i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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