Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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