New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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