Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
