I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize