69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
