let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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