Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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