i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
