watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
