i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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