"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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