i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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