walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
