ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
