saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
