help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
