Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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