i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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