I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
