you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
