i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
honey bunches of taint.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
